Lebam the Party Crasher
by RockSunner
Summary: What if Dipper and his clones found Lebam hiding in the closet? An AU from the world of "The Life of Lebam" and "The Life of Domiclese".
1. Lebam the Party Crasher

What if Dipper and his clones found Lebam hiding in the closet? All characters belong to Alex Hirsh and Disney, not me.

**Lebam the Party Crasher**

Lebam, Mabel's mirror doppelganger, had been created by Gideon to do his bidding and be his short-term substitute girlfriend until he could have the real Mabel. She had escaped his clutches and saved Dipper's life the night Gideon tried to ambush Dipper at the Li'l Gideon merchandise warehouse, and since then Mabel had offered her a home and a secretly shared life.

Lebam knew there was going to be a party at the Mystery Shack that night, but she was comfortable where she was in the closet and saw no need to move. She still had a lot of her stash of Smile Dip and planned to get into it again. Even if party-goers wandered up to the attic they wouldn't find her easily.

The whole house was weird. Sometimes it seemed like there was more space on the inside than the outside. Due to some very clever technological trickery (holograms, she thought), the two hallways on either side of Mabel and Dipper's room couldn't be seen if you faced their door from the stairs. All you could see was one door in the blank wall. But if you backed in at the right places on either side, you found hallways with rooms off of them. On the left side as you faced Dipper and Mabel's bedroom door was Grunkle Stan's bedroom. On the right side was a large hallway with a coffin and assorted junk in the corner, a cluttered storage closet (Lebam hid and slept there), and a room with a secret ladder she sometimes used to sneak downstairs.

Lebam snuggled down in a pile of coats and opened a pack of Smile Dip. She expected an undisturbed evening. Unfortunately for her, she was wrong.

* * *

Lebam heard footsteps coming up the stairs into the attic. Two voices were talking, both sounding like Dipper's, but a little flatter. She could tell the difference only because of her sensitive llama hearing (due to fiber from a genuine llama-hair sweater being used in her creation, Lebam had llama senses and llama powers of digestion).

"Okay, 8, we're the advance team. It's our job to prepare the closet to make Dipper Classic comfortable while the others drag him up here. I've got the cheese and cracker snack."

"I've got the coloring book and crayons, 9. It's a little rude to rub it in that he's acting like a little kid, but seriously, just talking to Wendy like a normal person? He honestly thinks that's going to work?"

"Since he's not following the plan, it's up to us to do it for him, for his own good."

"But who will dance with Wendy instead? I think it should be me. Do you agree, 8?"

"We'll settle that once we've got Dipper locked up."

By the time Lebam realized it was her closet they meant, it was too late to get out. She climbed up to the ceiling of the closet and braced herself against the attic beams. The clones didn't look up as they placed the coloring book and snack.

Moments later, the other clones came in dragging Dipper. They pushed the coats aside and pushed him into the closet.

Dipper said, "No, wait! Ahh, I can't breathe in here!"

One of the clones said, "Yes you can! Plus there's snacks and a coloring book in there for you!'

Dipper sat down on the floor of the closet and angrily began to eat the cheese and cracker snack. Outside, the clones debated who should get to dance with Wendy instead.

Lebam was having a hard time maintaining her braced position. She shifted her weight and slipped a little, making a scraping noise.

Dipper heard. He looked up and saw her. "Mabel, what are you doing up there? I thought you were out there dancing, competing with Pacifica for the Party Crown."

Lebam dropped down and landed beside him. "I guess the jig is up. I'm Lebam, Mabel's mirror doppelganger. I've been living here secretly for a while."

Dipper recoiled. "A doppelganger?"

He consulted his Book 3. "Doppelgangers are the evil opposites of the person they copy. They aim to kill the person and take over their life."

"I'm not like that. I'm good. I saved your life from Gideon, that night at the warehouse," said Lebam.

"I don't believe you," said Dipper. "That was the real Mabel. I've got problems of my own to deal with right now, but I want you out of this house tonight, or everyone's going to know you're here."

"That's unfair," said Lebam. "Look, I'll let you out of the closet."

She used a hairpin and picked the lock.

"I could have done that myself," said Dipper.

"Not as fast as me," said Lebam.

"I'll give you a head start," said Dipper. "When I leave, all the clones will chase me. That's your chance to get away. If you do, I won't tell anyone you exist and that you were hiding here. Otherwise, I'll expose you, and fight you if I have to. I'm sure I can find your weakness in this book."

Lebam hissed at him. "You're mean, Dipper. Mabel will hate you for this."

"I'll take that risk, you monster. It's for her own good," said Dipper.

* * *

After Dipper and the clones were gone, Lebam slipped down the ladder to the museum, through the underground passage that led to the gift shop, and out the gift shop door. She took a few grape popsicles on her way, as fuel for the road. If Dipper didn't want her here, she was going to have to find a new home somewhere else.

As she walked out to the road, she found a very angry-looking girl sitting on a rock. The girl looked up at her.

"You!" she snarled. "This is all your fault, Mabel."

"What are you talking about? Do I know you?" asked Lebam.

"Do you know me? That's a... very good question," said the girl in a tearful voice. "You met Pacifica Northwest, queen of Gravity Falls society. But you haven't met me. I'm a copy of her."

"A copy?" asked Lebam.

"You probably think I'm crazy," said Pacifica's clone. "Did you know it was possible to make a copy of a human being?"

"I certainly do, and I believe you," said Lebam. "Tell me your story."

"After you danced so well and started getting applause, I... Pacifica was jealous. She headed past the bathroom to find a place to sulk and regroup. Then she saw your brother, Dipper, talking to a few copies of himself. He was taking them upstairs to plan how to ask Wendy to dance. She hid and they didn't see her."

"I see..." said Lebam. "Then what?"

"She found a strange copy machine in the room they came out of. She decided it might be useful to have her own clone to help her win."

"Did you help her?" asked Lebam.

"Once she saw me, she wouldn't let me do anything. She said I was colorless and faded, unworthy to stand in for her," said the clone. "I hid in the bathroom for a long while. When I came out, Wendy was there talking with your brother, waiting to use the bathroom. I stormed out and left the party. But now that I'm out here, I have nowhere to go... no life..."

"Join forces with me," said Lebam. "I'm just like you, a copy with no place to go."

"Really?" asked Pacifica's clone.

"If you look in the window, you'll see me in there dancing," said Lebam.

"Oh," said Pacifica's clone. "I have a little money on me, just two hundred-dollar bills and change. I spent one hundred-dollar bill on the fifteen-dollar exit fee to get more change. The money won't last long."

"We'll think of something," said Lebam. "And we can give your original a bit of comeuppance, once I call in an anonymous tip to the police."

* * *

Pacifica Northwest, wearing the Party Crown, was carried toward the exit door of the party on the shoulders of her friends who had been invited to an after-party on her parent's boat.

Grunkle Stan stood at the doorway. "Exit fee, fifteen dollars each."

"What a measly charge," said Pacifica. "Typical of a relative of that Mabel. I'll pay."

Her friends set her down and she produced three hundred-dollar bills. Stan took them and started counting out change.

There was a knock at the door. Sheriff Blubs and Deputy Durland stepped in.

"We have reports of someone passing counterfeit hundred-dollar bills," said Blubs.

"You oughta check the cereal numbers of the hundreds you took in tonight," said Durland. "I didn't know money was made of cereal, did you Sheriff?"

"It still wouldn't be as sweet as you, Deputy," said Blubs.

"Hey, wait a second," said Stan. "One of the serial numbers on the hundreds you just gave me is a match to the one you gave me before, Pacifica. You've been going in and out and milking me for change for phoney money!"

"I never did," said Pacifica.

"I have a security camera set up at the door for positive ID of everyone who goes in or out," said Stan. "And I know you're on it."

"That wasn't me. That was my clone," said Pacifica.

"That's what they all say," said Blubs. "You'll spend at least a night in the county jail. Cuff her, Deputy."

Pacifica looked around, but her fair-weather friends had moved off. She growled, "You'll pay for this, you and your whole low-life family."

"Your parents will have to pay me, later... for the exit fee. Bye now," said Stan. "Dress warm in jail."

Pacifica, in a short skirt and no sweater, shivered a little. They cuffed her and took her away.

"Now that I think about it, a whole bunch of kids paid to go in and out over and over, like that kid in the white hoodie and plaid pants," said Stan. "Rats, now I have to compare all the serial numbers of all the money I took in. This is going to take me all night."

Inside, Mabel partied with her new friends Grenda and Candy.

Pacifica's clone headed off into the woods with Lebam.

"My name is Lebam, backwards for Mabel. May I call you Acificap?" asked Lebam.

"No," said the clone. After a pause she said, "All right, I guess, it's better than nothing."

"Yay, Acificap and Lebam. We're going to be best friends."

Acificap sighed and nodded. "All we've got are each other."

As they went into the woods, young woman with a purple streak of hair on the right side of her face followed them.


	2. Lebam the Vampire

**Lebam the Vampire**

The girl with purple hair came out of the woods and caught up with the two girls.

"I heard you. You said your name was Lebam," she said.

"Tambry, what are you doing here?" asked Lebam.

"I'm not Tambry," said the girl. "She has her hair attachment on the left, and mine is on the right. I'm her doppelganger. Call me Yrbmat."

"Seriously?" asked Acificap. "Do we all have to have backward names?"

"It's just a naming convention," said Yrbmat. "We're three different types of copies: a true doppelganger, a mirror clone, and a paper copier clone. But we each have an original we can be named after, so why not?"

"Why did you follow us, Yrbmat?" asked Lebam.

"To capture you, Lebam," said Yrbmat."Gideon will pay me for you."

As she said this, the purple hair attachment on the right side of her face grew and shot out like a tentacle, catching Lebam by the left wrist. Lebam pulled against it, but the grip was too strong.

"Help, Acificap!" said Lebam. "I don't want to go back to Gideon!"

Acificap tried to pull the hair off, but it continued to grow. Soon both of them were wound together back-to-back in a cocoon of hair.

"If you don't yell, I won't wrap your mouths," said Yrbmat.

"Where did you get magic hair, anyway?" asked Lebam, stalling for time.

"It came with Tambry," said Yrbmat. "She's infected with a hair monster."

Lebam said, "I sort of knew that. Mabel told me about how she was possessed by ghosts at a convenience store. They made her project the illusion of Wendy, Robbie, Tambry, and Dipper as skeletons to Dipper. The illusion of Tambry showed her purple hair growing out of a crack in her skull. We thought it was just to add an extra touch of horror, not something real."

"It's real, all right," said Tambry. "It's growing into her brain. It controls her now. That's why she hardly ever sends texts or updates any more."

"Eeew," said Acificap. "Does your hair control you?"

"Mine has a mind of its own, but it's harmless to me and obeys my commands," said Yrbmat. "I'm stuck with it until I kill Tambry. Then I'll be free to take a new form and a new victim."

"You're stalking Tambry to kill her?" said Lebam. "That's horrible!"

"That's why I was at the party," said Yrbmat. "Then I saw you sneaking out, Lebam, and I remembered Gideon put out a reward for your capture. He thought you might join up with other doppelgangers."

"Gideon wants Mabel, not me," said Lebam. "Why doesn't he just let me go?"

"He wants to punish you for daring to escape," said Yrbmat. "He told me he has a set of chains for you to wear, so you'll never get away from him again. He'll make you put them on yourself. I'm glad I'm not a mirror clone like you. I don't have to obey orders."

Yrbmat lifted the two up using her hair and started walking.

"What about me?" asked Acificap. "I have nothing to do with this. You have to let me go."

"I think Gideon will pay me to add you to his slave collection," said Yrbmat.

"Help!" the two clones shouted together.

"I warned you," said Yrbmat. She wound her hair around their mouths, gagging them.

It was two late. Two figures came out of the shadows and grabbed Yrbmat from behind. They clubbed her into unconsciousness with their fists. The hair around Lebam and Acificap loosened and pulled back into Yrbmat's head.

"Thank you for rescuing us," said Lebam to the strangers. "Who are you?"

"I am Vlad," said the first one. He was tall and good-looking, about their age, with black hair down to his shoulders. He spoke with a foreign accent.

"I am Bela," said the other. He was also tall and handsome, with shorter dark hair. His accent was similar to Vlad's.

"Bella? Isn't that a girl's name?" asked Lebam.

"Bela is a man's name in Eastern Europe," said Bela. "In Transylvania, for example."

"Transylvania? Are you vampires?" Lebam asked.

"Yes," said Vlad, showing fang tips.

"Squee!" said Lebam. "Mabel and I were looking for vampires to date."

"And we were looking for lovely young women to date," said Bela.

"Nice to meet you, Lebam and Mabel," said Vlad.

"I'm not Mabel, I'm Pa- Acificap. I wasn't looking for dates, exactly. But I must admit, you are cute."

"Thank you," said Bela. "We may not sparkle like the vampires in books, but we have our charms."

"I'm not complaining about you, but why are there so many monsters out tonight?" asked Lebam.

"There are many humans here, and the usual protector of this place is busy as a DJ," said Vlad.

"Soos protects this place?" asked Lebam.

"Yes, he shoots down vampire bats with his laser eyes," said Bela.

"Real laser eyes?" asked Acificap.

"Yes. The handyman knows more than you think," said Vlad. "He also wards off the floating eyes, swatting them down in their day form."

"What's their day form?" asked Lebam.

"Fairies, sometimes called the barf fairies," said Bela.

"Ugh! Why?" asked Lebam.

"Their touch makes humans vomit, and the fairies lick it up for nourishment. Blood is much tastier," said Vlad.

"Tonight was an opportunity for a blood-tasting party," said Vlad.

"Yikes!" said Acificap. "I forgot you feed on people."

"Most of the time we are 'vegetarian', feeding from animals, especially enlarged ones," said Vlad.

"We don't take much from any one person when we do feed on them," said Bela. "Not enough to do harm. Just one little bite each from several humans. "

"Well, to be honest, some humans are extra-tasty. Like the dark-skinned girl in the magenta sweater. We put a charm on her and called her out of the party three times," said Vlad. "There was also a short boy with shaggy hair, and a young man with a round hat."

"That's not fair," said Lebam. "They had to pay to leave and come back in over and over."

"We reimbursed them for the ticket costs," said Bela. "We vampires are rich."

"You're really wealthy?" said Acificap. She seemed more interested in the boys now.

"We have invested over the course of our immortal lives," said Vlad.

"You're really immortal?" asked Lebam.

"Except for our weaknesses, like stakes and sunlight, we can live forever," said Bela.

"We would like to offer this eternal life to you," said Vlad. "Would you join us?"

"Normally, I'd like longer to think it over," said Lebam. "But with Gideon after me, using monsters to hunt me, I think it's a good deal. He wouldn't dare to enslave a vampire."

"He would not, and we would hunt him down if he tried," said Bela. "The vampire community protects its own."

"I'm interested, too," said Acificap. "I don't have anywhere to go, and I want to stay with Lebam."

"Yay!" said Lebam. "We'll be vampire sisters."

"Unfortunately, you have no blood," said Vlad. "You are a paper copy, and even a small amount of moisture can destroy you."

"What!" said Acificap.

"I was going to warn you," said Lebam. "Mabel told me that copier copies dissolve if they get wet."

"But I'm thirsty," said Acificap.

"I don't think you really need water," said Mabel. "It must be psychological."

"I don't know..." said Acificap. "Maybe I'm not meant to stay alive. No water, no baths..."

"There is a way," said Vlad. "We vampires have been observing the Shack for a long time. There is a secret room with a carpet that can exchange the mind in one body for another."

"But who would I exchange with?" asked Acificap. "Lebam doesn't want to be a paper copy either."

Vlad pointed to the knocked-out Yrbmat. "There is the doppelganger."

"It would serve her right, the monster," said Lebam.

"Please, we are all monsters here," said Bela. "The evil ones we call horrors."

* * *

They carried Yrbmat back to the Mystery Shack. The vampires pointed out the secret window under the elevated museum porch.

"We have never been invited into the building by the owner, so we must remain outside," said Vlad.

Lebam and Acificap got Yrbmat in through the window. Lebam got a cup of water from the bathroom, just in case. Acificap built up a charge of static electricity and touched Yrbmat. With a snap, it was Yrbmat in the paper body, and Acificap in the unconscious body on the floor.

"What have you done to me?" the new paper clone snarled. She charged at Lebam, who threw the water over her.

"One less horror in the world," said Lebam. "I don't like how you treated us, or what you were going to do to Tambry."

She worked Acificap (in her new doppelganger body) to the window and the vampires helped to pull her out.

"Will Acificap be all right?" asked Lebam. "Concussions can be nasty."

"We can make her a vampire now, and vampire healing will mend her quickly," said Vlad.

"Acificap's physically about 16 now, and we two are physically 17," said Bela. "What about you? Do you want to be the age you are now forever, or older?"

"Do I have a choice?" asked Lebam. "I think I'd like to be older if I'm going to be stuck at one age forever."

"You are cloned from one who was aged down from adulthood," said Vlad. "My psychic vampire senses detect this. With a little work I believe you can age yourself up."

"I never knew that about Mabel," said Lebam. "Cool, let's try it."

It took the rest of the night for the vampires to coach her, but finally Lebam was able to grow herself to age 17.

"It is almost morning," said Vlad. "We will fly you back to our cave, and turn you both before dawn."

"This is a big step," said Lebam. "But I'm ready."

* * *

When she woke, three nights later, Lebam sat up and said, "I'm thirsty."

"Me too," said Asificap, also sitting up.

They looked at each other, and saw they were pale in the moonlight.

"We did it. We're vampires!" said Lebam. She giggled.

"Yes, new ones," said Vlad. "Come, we must make an enlarged deer and feed you."


	3. Lebam the Sleepover Guest

**Lebam the Sleepover Guest**

Life as a vampire was good, Lebam thought. The cave they lived in had a pleasant apartment with cable television, a hot tub, and soft TempurPedic-lined coffins to sleep in during the day.

Lebam and Vlad were a couple, as were Acificap and Bela, and they were getting along very well. Besides being handsome and well-built, the guys were charming, friendly, and entertaining, with stories of their history going back hundreds of years.

Lebam still felt something was missing. One night, she told Vlad, "I never really said goodbye to Mabel. Maybe by now she believes Dipper, that I was an evil doppelganger. I don't want to leave her thinking that. I want to go see her."

Vlad said, "Are you sure you want to? You may scare her more as you are now."

"I'm sure," said Lebam.

* * *

The next night, she climbed to the attic bedroom window of the Pine Twins at the Mystery Shack and rapped on the glass. Inside, she could see that Mabel was having a sleepover with two friends. Dipper had been ejected from the room.

Mabel came to the window when she heard the rapping, but recoiled when she saw Lebam outside.

"Mabel, may I come in? It's Lebam."

"Go away," said Mabel. "You disappeared after Dipper chased you away. For a while I thought you'd come back, but you stayed gone for days. Now I'm not sure if he wasn't right about you. You want to kill me, don't you?"

"No! I would never hurt you," said Lebam. "I met a true doppelganger like that, but I'm not that sort at all. I'm a mirror clone; my personality is just like yours. All I want is to be friends."

"You look older, and pale now, more like a monster," said Mabel.

"I've converted to a vampire to be safe from Gideon," said Lebam. "Plus now I have a cute vampire boyfriend like I always wanted."

By this time, Grenda had woken up. "A vampire!" she said. "Let's stake it!"

Candy also woke up. "I have found a large splinter to use as a stake."

Mabel's two friends grabbed Lebam and tried to pull her inside, but she resisted with her new vampiric strength.

"I can't come in unless I'm invited," said Lebam. "Please, Mabel. Let's talk. I won't bite. I promise..."

"All right," said Mabel. "You have my permission to enter."

Lebam jumped in through the open window, holding off Grenda and Candy with one hand for each as they tried to stake her with splinters.

"Hold off, BFFs," said Mabel. "I want to hear what she has to say."

Lebam told the whole story of how she had nearly been captured by Yrbmat, the doppelganger of Tamby with a hair-attachment monster, and her decision to become a vampire in self defense.

By the time she finished, all three friends were fascinated and there was no more talk of staking. Lebam was invited to join the slumber party.

"I don't slumber at night," said Lebam.

"Neither do we!" said Candy. "Not at slumber parties."

"Let's go wild and read _Wolfman Bare Chest_ novels together," said Grenda.

They read, played games, and talked until the wee hours of the night.

Towards dawn, Lebam excused herself. "I've got to get back to my coffin now. Thanks, Mabel. This was super duper fun."

"Let's do it again tomorrow night!" said Mabel.

"I'd love to," said Lebam. "May I bring a friend, another vampire girl?"

"Sure," said Mabel. "What's she like?"

"She looks like Tambry, but her personality is a copy of Pacifica Northwest," said Lebam.

"Pacifica Northwest!" said all three of her friends.

"No! She's a bully," said Mabel.

"I feel bad about myself when she's around," said Grenda. "She says I talk like a wrestler."

"This one's reformed. She's Acificap, a clone the real Pacifica rejected, and she knows she's starting over from scratch and has to make new friends. Please give her a chance," said Lebam.

"She'd better behave, or she's out," said Mabel.

* * *

Acificap wasn't happy with the invitation, herself. "How can I make friends with social outcasts like Grenda and Candy?"

"Acificap, we're vampires. We're the bottom of the social outcasts," said Lebam. "Or do you think Pacifica would invite us to a party on the family boat as we are now?"

"She might invite me," said Acificap. "Teen vampires are in. Vampire-cape black is the new hot pink."

"If she knew you were a copier clone of her?" asked Lebam.

"No, not then," said Acificap with a sigh.

"So, come to the next slumber party?" asked Lebam.

"All right, I'll do it for you," said Acificap.

* * *

In spite of misgivings on both sides, Acificap actually hit it off with Grenda and Candy. She needed some friends outside the close-knit vampire clan, and they were a fun group once they all got to be friends.

"I'm sorry my original bullied you," said Acificap. "She was trying to stay the Queen Bee of her social circle. That meant showing she was tough by putting people down, or risk being put down herself."

Later the conversation came around to Gideon.

"I'm afraid of him," said Mabel, "There's nothing he won't do to get me. Just a few days ago he shrunk me and put me in a bag of Gummy Koalas."

"That's awful, though I bet the big Koalas were good," said Lebam. "I ought to go over to his house and throw a scare into him. He's sure to back off if he knows you're under the protection of vampires."

"That would be wonderful," said Mabel. "Are you sure he can't still control you?"

"There's only one way to find out," said Lebam.

* * *

The next night, Li'l Gideon woke to find a vampire poised above him.

"A vampire!" Gideon said. "Don't you have to be invited in?"

"There's an exception for birth homes," said Lebam. "This house is where you created me... don't you remember?"

"Lebam?" said Gideon. "You may look different, but Ah can still control you. Stop!"

Lebam found herself frozen in place.

"Just as Ah thought. Ah can hold you here until dawn, let the sun burn you up. Or better, make you steal me the deed to the Mystery Shack out of Stanford's safe, and carry off Mabel for me, too."

"Not so fast, Gideon," said Lebam. "You may have a hold, but my Maker has a deeper one. I asked him to put a command on me in case something like this happened. It should be cutting in about... now!"

In an instant she grabbed Gideon and leaped out the window with him. She turned into a bat, holding him in her claws, and flew to where Vlad, Acificap, and Bela were waiting.

"You were right, Vlad," she said. "Gideon did still have a hold on me, but your Maker command overrode it."

"What are you gonna do with li'l ol' me?" asked Gideon.

"He's a danger to us," said Vlad. "We should drain him and kill him."

"No. Please. I'll do anything," said Gideon.

"What's that I see bulging under your pajama top?" asked Acificap. "Is that a book?"

Lebam grabbed it out, and found it was a thick journal with a magenta cover and gold plates at the corners. On the cover was a golden six-fingered hand with the number "2" on it.

"I think I'll keep this," said Lebam.

"No! Ah'm nothing without it. Every near-victory Ah had was because of that precious book!" said Gideon.

"Then without it you're not a threat," said Vlad. "We're definitely keeping it. Run home, before we change our minds and drain you."

Gideon ran back into his house.

Bela called after him, "And stay away from the Pines! They are under our protection."

Lebam began to thumb through the book. "We can have some fun with this."

Acificap looked over her shoulder at the pages. "Blood rain... yummy."


	4. Lebam the Demon Summoner

**Lebam the Demon Summoner**

Lebam and Acificap were reading through Journal 2 together, sitting on the couch in their vampire cave while their boyfriends Vlad and Bela were out hunting. They had decided against trying the blood rain spell. It would upset the gnomes, for one thing, and the vampires needed to be good neighbors with their fellow monsters.

"Look at that," said Lebam. "There's information about Gideon's amulet. It gives the power of telekinesis, and low-level mind control. Side effects of long term use: paranoia and megalomania. I'm not sure what those are, but they sound creepy."

"No power of mind-reading?" asked Acificap, "That's what he's famous for in town."

"Maybe he found a way to make it do that," said Lebam. There's note here about 'more spells for the amulet in Journal 1'."

"So there's another journal around," said Acificap.

"There are three that I know of," said Lebam. "Dipper has one, Journal 3, that he found in a secret hole in the woods. I know from my copy of Mabel's memories."

"I know how that works," said Acificap. "I have all the memories of Pacifica up to the moment she cloned me on the copier."

They flipped through more pages, and found one about creating zombies from the recently dead.

"Zombies can project an illusion that hides their decay, so they can pass as normal humans for a long time," Lebam read.

"I wonder if anyone in town is a zombie," said Acificap.

"Possibly Robbie," said Lebam. "Remember that reflection I told you about at the convenience store, the one that showed Tambry's hair monster growing out of her skull?"

"Of course," said Acificap. "That's me. I have the body of her doppelganger and my own friendly hair monster copy."

"Well, Robbie was in the reflection too and his image didn't reverse, before and after it changed to show their skeletons."

"So that was because of a zombie illusion?" asked Acificap.

"I don't know. He could be a mirror clone like me," said Lebam. "My reflection didn't reverse, either. I don't have to worry about that any more: as a vampire I don't have any reflection. That's fun."

"We just have to comb each other's hair," said Acificap. "And put on each other's makeup."

"That's the fun part," said Lebam.

"That's weird about Robbie," said Acificap. "We should warn Mabel and Dipper. I wonder if Wendy is still seeing him?"

"I'll take this book to our next sleepover," said Lebam.

They continued to turn pages in the book, and then Lebam let out a gasp.

"This picture of a Dorito man with one eye... Look at the ring around it!" said Lebam.

"What about it?" asked Acificap.

"The symbols around the ring – I know them," said Lebam, pointing to symbols clockwise around the circle. "Soos' question mark, an ice bag like the ones they sell at the Mystery Shack, Grunkle Stan's fez symbol, Dipper's pine tree, Gideon's Tent of Telepathy star, a six-fingered hand like the one on this book, my llama symbol (that's backwards from Mabel's), her shooting star from one of her favorite sweaters, Robbie's stitched heart, and a pair of glasses that are sort of like Grunkle Stan's but with a thicker frame on top."

"So?" asked Acificap.

"This is an old book. It looks like it was written ages ago. How could all of us be in it? Is this some kind of prophecy?" asked Lebam.

"We should ask Dipper about it," said Acificap.

"I'm not speaking to him, after the way he kicked me out," said Lebam.

"I think you should forgive him enough to show him this," said Acificap. "This looks big."

* * *

They showed Mabel, Grenda, and Candy the book at the next sleepover. After Mabel got a good look at it she went and got Dipper.

"Dipper, meet my friends, Lebam and Acificap," said Mabel. "They already know you."

"You kicked me out the last time I saw you," said Lebam. "I was a mirror clone then, but I've gone vampire."

"And I'm a copier clone of Pacifica, but I switched bodies with Tambry's doppelganger and then went vampire, too," said Acificap.

"I know that is confusing," said Candy. "You will get used to it."

"Yeah," said Grenda.

"You have vampires sleeping over with you?" asked Dipper with a horrified look. "You didn't tell me."

"I don't tell you everything," said Mabel.

"Please forget your prejudices for a moment," said Lebam. "We have something to show you."

Lebam brought out the Journal 2 book.

"The second Journal!" said Dipper, "Where did you get it?

"We took it from Gideon," said Acificap.

"Gideon had a journal?" asked Dipper.

"Yes, and take a look at this," said Lebam. She opened the book to the illustration of the Wheel.

"Look Dipping-sauce," said Mabel. "There are symbols for us and for a lot of people we know."

"What does it mean?" asked Dipper.

"We thought you might know," said Candy.

"I don't," said Dipper. "I've never seen it before."

"Then I have another idea. There are instructions here for summoning the triangle creature. I want to do that, and ask it questions," said Lebam.

"Oh-oh, that reminds me of something in my own book 3," said Dipper.

He got the book out and opened it to a page that seemed to be spattered with dried blood. The triangle creature was named there as "Bill Cipher."

"Like I thought," said Dipper, "See this: 'DO NOT SUMMON AT ALL COSTS!'"

"Whoa," said Grenda.

"Narrow escape," said Candy.

"You'd better let me keep that book," said Dipper.

"No, it will be safer to have them in two different places," said Lebam. "The vampires can protect it."

"Let me look at it, at least?" Dipper asked.

"Another time," said Lebam. "We don't trust each other enough yet."

* * *

The next night, Lebam went out alone with the book to the summoning place described in the Journal, a clearing surrounded by birches.

"I just have to know," she said to herself. "There's no other way to protect my family and friends than by finding out what this all means."

She set out a ring of candles and lit them. She had no picture of an enemy, so she left the center empty.

"Triangulum, entangulum. Veneforis dominus ventium. Veneforis venetisarium!" Lebam chanted.

A strange energy filled her body, making her eyes glow.

"Backwards message, backwards message, backwards message," she said. There was a strange sense of time flowing backwards as the world around her turned gray.

Lebam fell to her knees on the ground. She looked up and saw a black triangle with a big white eye, surrounded by yellow flames. Maybe this hadn't been such a good idea. She wanted to jump up and run, but she couldn't get herself to move.

The figure turned into a triangular yellow being floating in the air, wearing a black top hat and carrying a cane. It laughed like a lunatic.

"Oh, oh, Gravity Falls! It is good to be back. Name's Bill Cipher, and I take it you're some kind of undead ventriloquist dummy? I'm just kidding, I know who you are, Lebam!"

"W-what are you? H-how do you know my name?" asked Lebam.

"Oh, I know lots of things!" said the demon. In an eerie reverberating voice it repeated "Lots of things," as all sorts of images flashed over its body. Lebam glimpsed a picture of the Wheel and a UFO.

"Hey, look what I can do!" said Bill.

He gestured and a deer ran forward, stopping in front of Lebam.

"Deer blood for you, kid," said Bill. "Take a bite!"

"N-no thank you, I've already eaten," said Lebam. "You seem a bit crazy."

"Sure I am," said Bill. "What's your point?"

With another gesture, the deer ran away backwards into the woods.

"Listen to me," said Lebam. "I have some questions for you about a picture in this book. I want you to tell me what it means, and then, if I don't like what it means for my friends, to take their symbols out of the book – not in a way that hurts them, either."

"That's a big order," said Bill. "I'll need you to give me the book. Do we have a deal?"

"Deal," said Lebam.

They shook hands, and blue flames played over both their hands. They didn't hurt.

"Okay, I'll give it to you straight, kid," said Bill. "That ring is for people who are going to be hosts for a group of extra-dimensional beings called the Titans, who are going to come and possess them, and rule the world through them."

"I don't think I like that," said Lebam. "What would happen to the hosts? Would they die?"

"They would live, but as passengers in their own bodies," said Bill. "The possession will last for the rest of their lives."

"That's terrible! Tell me who the people are," said Lebam.

"Soos Morales, Wendy Corduroy, Stanford Pines, Dipper Pines, Gideon Gleeful, and Fiddleford McGucket," said Bill. "The next one would have been you, but you're off the hook since we need someone who can be active during the day, not a creature of the night like you are now. Pacifica Northwest is elected instead. Then Mabel Pines, Robbie Vale, and Stanley Pines."

"I want them all out of the book," said Lebam. "Like we agreed."

"Give me the book and it's a done deal, kid," said Bill.

Lebam handed over Journal 2.

Bill looked at the page with the Wheel picture, then at the other side of the page. "Good, nothing I need here."

He tore the page with the picture out of the Journal and it burst into flames.

"Good," said Lebam. "Now my friends are free."

"Did I promise that? The picture's gone, but their fates are the same as ever," said Bill.

"What? Why didn't you tell me that? You tricked me," said Lebam.

"I always trick people who make deals with me, sweetie," said Bill. "It's just my nature."

"When is this going to happen?" asked Lebam.

"Very quickly. Tonight if I can manage it," said Bill. "The only thing I needed to bring about the apocalypse is this book, which you gave me."

"Give it back!" said Lebam, grabbing for it.

Bill floated back out of reach, faster than her vampiric speed could follow.

"Since you did me such a big favor, I won't destroy you, for now," said Bill. "But I'm putting a command on you so that you can't tell anyone what you learned, or even write a note about it. Just keep quiet and soon you'll be living in a whole new world, ruled by the Titans through your friends."

Lebam woke from the dream Bill was projecting. He was nowhere in sight.


	5. Lebam the Starship Saboteur

**Lebam the Starship Saboteur**

Lebam went to bat form and flew back to her cave before Bill Cipher changed his mind about destroying her.

She tried to tell Vlad, Bela, and Acificap what happened, but she couldn't get out any words, just as the demon had said. Writing didn't work either, and even charades was out. Any direct communication was blocked.

"Lebam, what's going on?" asked Acificap. "What's keeping you from talking?"

Lebam had a new idea. To her great relief, talking about other subjects was allowed. "Acificap, let's go to the hidden room of the Mystery Shack again. We've both been invited into the house for sleepovers since we turned vampire, so we can get in."

"I don't understand, but sure, if it will help," said Acificap.

"We'll come with you as far as we can," said Vlad. Bela agreed.

* * *

Lebam and Acificap sneaked into the window of the hidden room. Gompers the goat was on watch in the yard for Bill, but their vampire talents of stealth and hiding in shadows kept them from being spotted.

Lebam and Acificap swapped bodies using the Electron Carpet. Lebam hoped this would be enough to allow her to speak, but it was not. The silencing command followed her to the new body.

Lebam remembered one more thing: Acificap had a copy of Tambry's hair monster. It was connected to her mind, but it had "a mind of its own" according to its original owner, the doppelganger Yrbmat.

"Hair monster, will you please write for me?" she asked it in her thoughts.

Since she wasn't speaking or writing herself, the message went through. The purple hair monster reached out and grabbed paper from a stack on a chair, and a pencil from Lebam's pocket.

"Lebam, you goof, you shouldn't have trusted Bill Cipher!" it wrote.

Lebam smiled. She didn't care if it insulted her as long as she could communicate again.

Soon she had more written out and showed it to Acificap: "Bill Cipher has all he needs to bring about a Titan apocalypse tonight, and he's collecting people for extra-dimensional beings to possess so that they can take over the world!"

They went out and showed the notes to Bela and Vlad.

"There is not a moment to lose," said Vlad. "We will get people who can help, who know something of the secrets of Gravity Falls and alien technology."

Vlad and Bela flew to get help while Acificap and Lebam retreated into the woods to hide and keep an eye on things. They saw Robbie and Wendy arrive, sleepwalking; they entered the Mystery Shack through the gift shop. The two vampire girls didn't interfere, because they wanted to keep the element of surprise for more effective action.

* * *

Vlad and Bela rejoined them in giant bat form, carrying two people with them. They set them down.

"Yo, vampire dudettes, I'm the original Robbie. The guy they pulled in for the Wheel is my backup clone, Eibbor."

"Why did you make a backup clone?" asked Lebam.

"Because I suspected someone was after me, when I came close to dying in a car accident," said Robbie. "I went to this guy here and he made me a clone."

"What happened to the clone?" asked Vlad.

"Soon after, Gideon attacked again and made Eibbor into a zombie," said Robbie. "Didn't do that dork much good: Eibbor wouldn't follow his orders to attack Stan Pines."

"Was it Eibbor at the Dusk 2 Dawn store?" asked Lebam."Mabel saw a reflection of him in the store's front window that didn't reverse."

"Yeah, that was him," said Robbie. "The ghosts couldn't hurt him, because he's already dead."

"I didn't make Eibbor, by crikey," said the other man. "My original done did it. I'm a backup clone of Fiddleford McGucket. Bill took Fiddleford for the Wheel, but I know all what he knows about alien robot technology. Call me Dorfelddif."

"Too many backward names! My head is spinning," said Acificap.

"We must hurry," said Vlad. "I know a way through the cracks and caves below Gravity Falls to the crashed UFO that powers the portal which Cipher will use to bring in the Titans."

"I got some backup I can call in, too," said Dorfelddif. "Fellow clones of mine who run some giant robots for the U.S. guvmint, in case of alien invasion, like what this is."

"Call them before we head into the caves," said Bela. "There will be no cell phone reception below ground."

"What's all this about a crashed UFO?" asked Lebam.

"We will talk as we go," said Vlad.

* * *

As they threaded through the caves, Vlad explained. "Centuries ago, an alien robot race sent out unmanned probes across many dimensions, seeking new worlds to conquer. One probe crash-landed on Earth, into the side of a cliff, creating the crater and waterfall we now know as Gravity Falls. The marks of the impact of the flying saucer can still be seen today in the rocks above the town."

"Were there vampires around to see it crash?" asked Acificap. "Is that how you know?"

"No, we came to this area later, to escape persecution in Transylvania," said Bela. "But we have been here long enough to observe and investigate for ourselves, in order to protect our world."

"Does the saucer still work?" asked Robbie.

"No, but it sent a signal to the home world with our coordinates. They made a portal to Egypt," said Vlad. "This was before recorded history, a time of legends. They became the Egyptian gods, and later took over ancient Greece to become the gods called the Titans and the Olympians."

"After battling among themselves and involving humans in their wars, they were reduced to a tiny remnant and almost all their portal technology was destroyed," said Bela.

"That's why they sent a robot here to salvage the tech and set up a new portal," said Dorfelddif. "Robot 618, also know as Bill Cipher, him what hornswoggled my original into helping him."

"What did he think he was doing?" asked Lebam.

"Open a gateway to infinite new worlds and herald a new era in mankind's understanding of the universe," said Dorfelddif. "Leastwise, that's what he wrote in one of the Journals."

"They never realized what Bill Cipher was up to?" asked Acificap.

"Fiddleford and his helpers, Stanley and Ruth Pines (Mabel's grandfolks) got suspicious of ol' 618 and took some precautions. They changed the portal codes and separated them in three Journals. Two of the Journals they got away with and hid," said Dorfelddif. "Tonight, Lebam, you gave back to Bill the one he's been looking for the longest, Journal 2."

"What about Journal 3?" asked Lebam. "Dipper has that one."

"Grunkle Stan knew he did, or suspected it. I betcha it was easy to trick Dipper out of it," said Dorfelddif. "Stan's been in league with 618 all along, 'cause he thinks it'll make him rich, the durned crook."

* * *

They reached the buried starship, which was directly under the Mystery Shack. They could only see a bit of one side of the gigantic saucer as the vampires used their strength to tear through the metal and enter it.

"We gotta sabotage the ship, blow up the reactors, and power off the portal," said Dorfelddif. "Iffen we do it right, the folks in the Wheel will be set free without any hurt."

"If we do it wrong?" asked Lebam.

"Then mebbe the whole place goes up, an' takes Gravity Falls with it," said Dorfelddif. "At least we take out the invasion. Hope their leader, the Time Baby, gets destroyed, too, by gummity."

"We gotta do better than that," said Robbie.

"Don't worry," said Vlad. "We vampires can survive even an explosion such as that. But it will take long, hungry years to dig ourselves out of the rubble."

"I don't want to starve here for years," said Acificap. "Besides, digging will damage the new nails I got with this body. Will you let me keep it, Lebam? It's prettier than the Tambry one."

"I don't mind," said Lebam. "I get a fun pet hair monster with this one. I'll call her Tangles."

Tangles waved her purple hair and stroked Lebam's back.

At Dorfelddif's direction, all of them set out to sabotage the alien generators, which pulsated with blue light. The vampires did the heavy work with their strength, while Robbie and Dorfelddif worked the fine controls.

"What does this big orange button do?" asked Robbie, pushing it.

Ear-piercing alarms went off, and the reactors glowed with intense blue light that hurt the vampires to look at.

"Yikes! It's going to blow!" Lebam shouted.


	6. Lebam the Defender of Earth

**Lebam the Defender of Earth**

"Yikes! It's going to blow!" Lebam shouted, after Robbie pushed the big orange button in the underground alien space-ship they were trying to sabotage.

"Oh, banjo polish!" said Dorfelddif. "We'll have to climb up the service passage an' get outta here before she goes up."

The alarms and flashing lights continued as vampires Lebam, Acificap, Vlad, and Bela struggled up through the narrow service passage with their human allies Dorfelddif (a McGucket clone) and Robbie (a human original). They arrived in a wider room with computer equipment along one side, and a glowing circular portal on the other.

Near the portal was a circle of nine people in a trance, all of whom Lebam recognized: Soos, Wendy, Stan, Dipper, Gideon, Fiddleford, Pacifica, Mabel, and Robbie. In the center of the circle was a giant floating baby with glowing red eyes and a black hourglass marked on his forehead.

Over by the main computer console was Bill Cipher, who pushed a button on the console and the alarms stopped.

Bill laughed. "You didn't realize we would put in an override up here? We didn't bother to take out the self-destruct button down there because it would give us an alarm in case of saboteurs. It's funny how dumb you are; you can't stop the Time Baby from taking over the world."

The Time Baby fired a blast of energy from his eyes at Vlad, who dodged out of the way with his vampiric speed. The four vampires spread out around the circle, with Acificap and Lebam carrying Robbie and Dorfelddif on their backs, respectively.

"Robot 618, control the Mabel clone," ordered the Time Baby. "Turn her against the others. You have a spare channel."

A blue glowing circle came up around Bill with a copy of the Wheel as Lebam had seen it in Journal 2. The Glasses symbol switched to a second copy of her left-facing Llama. A beam of blue light from the projected Wheel targeted Acificap, who now looked like Lebam instead of Tambry.

"It's not working, your Majesty," said Bill after a second.

Dorfelddif whispered to Lebam, "It didn't work because you swapped bodies with Acificap tonight. He's targeting the wrong person with his control."

Lebam nodded. "Now what?"

"Attack 'em and keep 'em off balance for a few more minutes," said Dorfelddif. "We can't let the Titans possess the hosts, so knock 'em out of position on the Wheel."

Moving as fast as they could, Vlad and Bela double-teamed the Time Baby, kicking him with their feet while swatting potential hosts out of the way with their hands. Lebam and Acificap dropped off their human riders and charged Bill Cipher. Dorfelddif headed for the portal power lever. Robbie ran and hid behind a crate.

"Fools, you cannot win," said the Time Baby. "Hyperion and Theia, take any available hosts. Your light powers will make short work of the vampires."

Dipper and Mabel were still in position on the Wheel. Their eyes opened, revealing white glows.

"Ready, Theia my darling?" Dipper asked,

"Yes, Hyperion my love," Mabel said.

For an instant, the room was filled with blinding white light. The vampires howled as it began to burn their skin. Then the light suddenly cut off again.

"What happened?" asked Mabel.

"I don't know, but I think I just called you darling," said Dipper.

Dorfelddif was at the portal lever. He had just thrown it back to the off position.

"No you don't, human," said the Time Baby, blasting him with laser eyes.

Dorfelddif fell. "We just... need ta buy... another minute or so..."

"Your time is up," said the Time Baby. He seized control of the lever with a blue telekinesis field.

"No! I won't go back to being possessed," said Mabel. Her own latent android telekinetic powers turned on, activated by the few seconds of possession by Theia, and she wrested control of the lever from the Time Baby.

"Robot 618, help me," said the Time Baby.

"On it," said Bill Cipher, aiming a power beam from his fingers at Mabel.

"You're not hurting Mabel!" said Dipper. His own "laser face" power activated and he blasted a hole in Cipher, then followed up with enough heat to melt the evil robot.

"I'm melting... melting," said Bill. He turned into a metal puddle on the floor.

"I'm still powerful enough to take you all on alone," said the Time Baby. "Especially with the vampires completely out of the fight."

"Not as out of the fight as you think!" said Lebam. Her skin was burned and painful, but she gathered her strength and pulled the Time Baby by it's diaper, slamming it to the floor. The diaper came loose.

"Not my four-ply diaper!" said the Baby, struggling to pull it back on.

At that moment, the upper stories of the Mystery Shack were lifted off and the ceiling was exposed to the night sky. Four gigantic rock robots with the heads of the Presidents of Mt. Rushmore stared down into the room: George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, Teddy Roosevelt, and Abraham Lincoln.

"I cannot tell a lie," said George Washington, "We did it with our big strong arms."

"When in the Course of human events, it becomes necessary..." said Thomas Jefferson.

"A house divided cannot stand," said Abraham Lincoln.

"Bully!" said Teddy Roosevelt. "We've got the invaders now! Chaarge!"

"You can't charge," snarled the Time Baby. "There's no room down here. I can still gain control of the portal and win!"

"That's what you think," called a familiar cracked old voice from one of the robotic statues. "Presidential heads, separate!"

The heads of the President statues popped off and landed on robotic spider legs. They scuttled down the walls of the ripped-open Mystery Shack from all four sides, firing beams from their eyes as they came.

The Time Baby was struck on his vulnerable bottom, which had been exposed by Lebam. The Baby's alien android body melted.

"You haven't seen the last of Chronos," said the Time Baby. "I still have my Father Time form."

"Ya'll never use this portal, leastwise," said a voice from the head of George Washington.

The robots blasted all of the portal equipment to fragments.

Once they were finished with this destructive work, the top of the Thomas Jefferson head popped open and a clone of McGucket came out.

"Clone down," said the clone who controlled the Thomas Jefferson head, pointing to the body of Dorfelddif by the lever. He climbed down, picked up his brother clone, and took him back inside the robot.

The robot's head closed again, and all four robot heads climbed back up the walls and rejoined their bodies.

"Well done, defenders of Earth," called the Teddy Roosevelt robot. "See you next time." All four robotic statues marched away, heading back to Mt. Vernon.

* * *

The might-have-been hosts all woke up slowly after the attack.

Grunkle Stan said, "My Mystery Shack, and all the secrets under it, destroyed! I'm ruined. I'll sue the government for damages."

"Don't sweat it, dude," said Soos. "We can build again. This place will be famous for real. The site of the battle of the Titans and the Presidential Robots... or somethin' like that."

"Yeah, that's it," said Stan. "We'll rake in the cash of the Titans."

"I'll fund rebuilding the place," said Pacifica. "It's the least I can do, since your family saved me from being controlled by an alien for the rest of my life."

* * *

Wendy went over to Robbie. "Hey Robbie, why are there two of you?"

"Umm, I can explain. This guy is my zombie clone, Eibbor."

"Yo," said Eibbor.

"Were you going out with me, or was it him?" asked Wendy.

"Sometimes one, sometimes the other," said Eibbor. "It was me the night we raided the Dusk 2 Dawn store."

"You lying creeps," said Wendy. "There's no chance I'll ever go out with either of you again."

Robbie said, "Wendy, please..."

She turned her back on him and walked away.

* * *

Dipper and Mabel talked.

"I remember some things now," said Dipper. "I used to be a shepherd in ancient Greece, and I traded in my regular body for an android one from the Titans in order to fight the Olympians. You were my twin sister, Callisto."

"I remember, too," said Mabel. "I have an android body, too. That's why Lebam was able to age up. She could probably train us to do that, too."

"Are we going to stay, or call our parents and go home?" asked Dipper.

"They're not our real parents," said Mabel. "Let's stay and try to sort things out here for the rest of the summer."

"If I can be as old as Wendy, maybe I have a real chance with her," Dipper said.

"Give her time to get over the shock, bro," said Mabel.

* * *

"Well, it's been a lovely evenin', y'all, but Ah've got to be on mah way," said Gideon.

"Stop," said Lebam. She stared at Gideon, using her vampire charm to freeze him in place. "Vlad, I think we ought to hypnotize this one and make him our human servant. He created me to be his slave, so it would only be fair to make him my slave."

"He knows too much of Gravity Falls secrets to ever be completely harmless," said Vlad. "But you will make me jealous."

"I don't want him that way," said Lebam. "Just to work for us. We can keep him out of trouble."

"As you wish, my dear," said Vlad.

"Also, Vlad, do you mind if I keep this Tambry body, with the hair monster?" asked Lebam. "Tangles is so cute and cuddly-wuddly."

"I don't mind," said Vlad. "It is your bubbly personality I love, much more than your physical form. You make me feel so happy. Will you be my vampire bride?"

"Oh Vlad! Of course!" said Lebam, hugging him, gently because her burned skin was still healing. She looked over at Bela and Acificap. "Would you guys like to make it a double wedding?"

Bela looked blank for a moment, and Acificap began to scowl. Then Bela smiled and nodded. "I would indeed. Acificap, will you marry me?"

"Yes! Oh yes!" Acificap threw herself into his arms.

"Ouch!" said Bela. "My skin is still wounded."

The vampire couples kissed tenderly.

The End


End file.
